What to do when marriage is hard

WHEN MARRIAGE IS HARD

                                                               

       

         

                                                     

 Its funny how when we say "I do" that we never really understand the depths of those words until we are in the marriage. Its not until we are in the marriage and we are faced with problems that we really get to honor our vows, or not.  Typically when we get married we think about all the good things like falling in love, building a new family, buying a new home together, etc.  All of those things are good and are a part of marriage but its very shallow and  it is not foundational  for marriage. If we can learn to think about marriage like God thinks about marriage and learn Gods intended purpose for marriage first then everything else will fall into place.  Without His intended purpose in mind you will be stuck chasing a fairytale of marriage and when things get hard your first reaction is to want to leave.

 Pastor Jimmy Evans who is very well known advocate for marriage once said that marriage is a representation of God's character here in the earth realm. I thought that was so profound. If we think about it, marriage is designed to make us look more like Christ. In order for your marriage to be successful you have to become selfless, you have to love when its hard, forgive when your spouse doesn't deserve it and give a relentless amount of Grace. Isn't that a great example of what God does for us? 

 Marriage was created for God and He designed it for a purpose. In order for our marriage to be successful our hearts and minds must be fully surrendered to Gods plan and purpose for  marriage. We must seek to renew our mind in His word and live out His principles. When we are fully submitted to God's way of marriage our marriage can stand through tough times.

 Today I want to give you 5 things that will help you focus on Gods purpose and plan for marriage when things get hard. These things will help you keep God at the center of your marriage so that your marriage will be a success. 

What should we do when marriage is hard?

Invite God In.
When marriage gets hard the first thing that we should do is invite God in.  God should be and is a part of your marriage and with God ya'll are at a advantage. The bible tells us that a chord of three strands is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:2). With just you and your spouse your marriage wouldn't stand a chance, but with God at the center you have all the power that you need to make it through tough times. This is why, instead of blowing up and allowing things to get out of control, we have too train ourselves to get into the habit of going to God first. It's nothing wrong with seeking Godly counsel and getting Godly wisdom from others at times, but never forget that God is your source. God has the solution to every problem that you face in marriage and he cares about what you are feeling. Lay all of your concerns at his feet and trust Him to work it out..
 Many of us fail to invite God in our marriage when things get hard because we don't trust and believe that He would make a difference. We would rather trust in our emotions, or do whatever is feels comfortable for that moment. The danger in this is that things go unresolved and eventually unresolved issues ruins your marriage, but When we trust God to do the things that we can't do He will bring healing and restoration. So invite God in hard times and trust that He will restore.

Forgive.
 Unforgiveness can feel like the right thing to do when your spouse has wronged you because they don't deserve it. You may feel like if you forgive, that you may look weak and it will open up a door for you to get hurt again. Remember Forgiveness is for you. When you choose to let go of feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment towards your spouse it will help free you. The enemy loves to use unforgiveness as a way of making you relive the pain over and over so that it will eventually destroy you and destroy your marriage as well. Don't fall for the bait. Learn to forgive when its hard so that you will be free, and you will allow God's grace in to heal and cover both you and your marriage.

Lead by example. 
I've found so much freedom in learning my limitations in my marriage. I use to be the wife that nagged my husband all the time about everything that he did wrong so that He can change. I've learned that this only makes things worst. I started to follow  1 peter 3:1 Wives submit to your husbands that even if some do not obey the word that they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. This scripture brought me so much peace.  It help me to realize that my job is not to try to fix my husband or change him. My job is to be an example and allow God's light to shine through me so that it can be a testament to my husband of God's beautiful grace. Instead of focusing on your husband shortcomings lead by example but, without a word and have a gentle and quiet spirit.

Focus on you. 
Its funny how when sometimes we go to God about our spouses that God began to show us ourselves. Instead of feeding into our complaints about our spouses He shows us a area that we need to work on in our own life. I know focusing on working on yourself is hard to accept when you're spouse maybe the problem, but focusing on you may very well be the solution to your marriage. Your spouse may not appreciate you like He should, but if you could learn to grow in forgiveness, love and grace it can better your marriage. Instead of depending on God to change your spouse allow God to change you.  Maybe you can ask God to help you appreciate other things about your spouse. Don't allow your spouses shortcomings to be a hinderance to your marriage, focus on you and allow God to heal some areas in your life that can be better. When you become better your marriage become better, when you become stronger, your marriage become stronger. Let God work through you first.

Desire what God desire.
  Its amazing how We can be so self-centered and think that marriage is all about what we want. We want God to fix our spouse for us, we want Him to make our marriage perfect so that we wouldn't have to go through nothing uncomfortable. We don't want to do the hard stuff so we make it about ourselves.  What about God and what He desire's for marriage? God desires unity, God desires love, God desires Grace, God desire's peace. Don't make your marriage all about what you want, ask God what is His desire for your marriage and for your spouse. Instead of praying for your will to be done pray for His will to be done in every situation. Ask God what to pray for concerning yourself and what to pray for concerning your spouse. I challenge you, the next time your marriage gets hard before reacting, ask yourself what would God desire me to do in this moment.


In addition, I want to say that if your heart is not totally submitted to God these things will not work. Surrender to God First and allow Him to change you and your marriage.