Healing Before Marriage                                                                           

 If I ever had a opportunity to go back and do things different when I was single, then I would. I would spent more time focusing on me, I would spent more time healing, I would spent more time loving myself, I've would spent more time learning how to be a wife, I would spend more time with God, and I would spend more time enjoying being a single parent. Its safe to say that I didn't enjoy my single season like I should've. I love and adore my husband, my children and my life today; however I do realize that if I would've spent my single season wisely, a lot of things could've been avoided in marriage.  I still had a lot of unresolved issues that I needed to address before getting married.  I had father issues, and a lot of  trauma from a previous abusive relationship. These were things that I didn't realize until I got married. Like most people, I wanted to be married so badly that I didn't realize that I had deep seated voids from my past that I was trying to fill with marriage. Thankfully, God blessed me with a loving husband who was there for me through my healing process.

Are you just like me, trying to rush through you're single season? Maybe you feel like your biological clock is ticking, maybe you feel like you've been single too long, Maybe you're watching everyone else around you get married and you're comparing yourself, Or maybe you're like me and are trying to fill voids in you life with marriage, whatever the situation maybe, I want to challenge you today to ask your self "what is the rush"? Why do you feel like you want to be married so badly, Why is it that you can't enjoy being single? These are the hard questions that you have to ask your self. Its so important not to rush into marriage and to spend your single season wisely. As I Mentioned earlier, if I can go back, knowing what I know now, I would change a lot of things about my single season, but now that I'm here I'm able to share with you some ways to enjoy your single life so that you can go into marriage whole.

Heal

Are you aware of the ways that your past has affected your life? We all have experience some sort of trauma from our past, whether its a lost of a loved one, a prior divorce, childhood trauma,  or rejection and abandonment issues etc. Past trauma can shape the way that we view our spouses and it has the ability too destroy marriages. So for example, If you had trust issues in a previous relationship than you might have a hard time trusting your spouse because of what you've experienced in that relationship. Unknowingly you project that trauma onto your spouse. Past trauma can go undetected for years and even decades. This is why single season is so important. It is important to spend time alone so that you can recognize areas that need to be healed . The freedom that you will experience from healing will exceed that feeling of  discontentment of single season.

Find your identity in Christ.

Before going into marriage it is very important to find your identity in Christ. It is so easy for you to want to find your identity in your spouse. It have been many of times where I thought that if my husband would change this or that about himself than somehow it would make me a better person. This happens when we are tempted to put our spouses in places that are only designed for God to be. Everything that we need in our marriage comes from God Love, joy, peace, security it all comes from God. I'm not saying that your spouse shouldn't give you none of those things because they should, however; sometimes your spouse may not have anything to give. This is why it is important to find your identity in Christ and not in your spouse.

Understand God's way for marriage.

It's funny that how when we get married we think that marriage is all about our pleasure and fun. Yes, one aspect of marriage is about falling in love and building your dream life with your spouse, but at the core of marriage God designed marriage to make us look more Christ like. In order for your  marriage to be successful you have to become selfless, forgive when its hard, love unconditionally, and give a lot of grace. This is the aspect that no one is prepared for but it is the essence of what marriage truly is. So before going into marriage its important for you to have the right mindset. Read books and hang around other married couples, and read scripture on what it takes to be a wife.

Enjoy your life.

A lot of people put their lives  on hold while waiting to get married. I'm not going to buy a house until I get married, I'm not going to travel the a to until I get married, I'm not to start my new career until after I'm married. Why wait until you are married? Enjoy your life now, while you have the opportunity to make things about you, do so. I would hate for you to miss out on moments in life that you will never get back because you were waiting on your spouse. Single season should be focused on you and what makes you happy. Treat yourself, love on yourself and when the time is right God will bring y' all together.