When I'm tempted to not trust God

                                                                               

WHEN YOU ARE TEMPTED NOT TO TRUST GOD.

 I couldn't believe it! Someone who I considered to be a real close friend of mine stopped talking to me. I missed her daughters birthday party and she was upset about it and decided to stop talking to me. I was a shocked. After all the times that I was there for her and all of the good memories we'd made in such a short time, how could she question my loyalty?  We shared information with each other that we probably wouldn't share with no one else, we celebrated our birthdays together, we went on shopping trips together, we prayed for one another, worshipped together, and in such a short time we had build such a close bond. I thought things were going good, but little did I know I only had one time to mess up and everything else was history.

I had every intention on going to the birthday party. I had it written down on my calendar, went and bought a gift, told the kids, and all week we looked forward to going. Little did I know that our plans would get cancelled. When Saturday came around I had two unexpected things happen that took priority. I literally didn't get to bed until 3am that morning because it took so long, not to mention I had church the next morning. I was exhausted! It was 1am before I had realized that I hadn't called her to let her know that I couldn't make it to the party. I felt so bad for being so busy that the thought didn't cross my mind to let her know that I wouldn't be able to make it, but I thought to myself I know that she would understand. As soon as Sunday morning came around  I jumped up and got the kids and myself ready for church and, then I text her. I apologized about missing the party and told her why. Her response was "you could've still came, but I understand". When I read the message I thought to myself maybe she don't understand, but again, no biggie, perhaps we can talk about it later and I'll explain it better and she will understand then.

Few days went by and I reached out to her a few times with no response. I thought that it was strange because she always responded, but still not wanting to assume anything I continued to believe the best. I kept on saying  to myself  "she's probably busy, or she is just having a bad day, she'll respond soon".  I just thought it's no way she'd be that upset that she would stop talking to me, surely she would try to get clarity on the situation first , and plus I know that she knows me better than whatever she's thinking". Boy, was I wrong. Its been almost two months and I still haven't spoken to her. Honestly I'm still in kind of a shock about it. If we would've talked about it I know we could've got past her disappointment, but she didn't even give me a opportunity for that. This caught me totally of guard. It was the distrust for me. Up until this point I have giving her no reason to question my loyalty and the first time I missed a birthday party "I'm not a good friend".  No one has ever questioned me as a friend. I'm the type of person that is easy to get along with. I love hard and easily. I value my friendship and I enjoy being there for my friends when I could, So this for me was hard to accept.

I began to reach out to God and ask Him why is this happening and what can I learn from this situation? I just didn't understand, How could this one time negate every other time that I was there for her? Then I heard the Holy Spirit say "Courtney, this is what you do to me". " I' am there for you time after time and yet still you question my love for you." I was quickly convicted. God was right! How can I even be mad at her when I do the same thing to God? God is there for me time after time. His history can prove his faithfulness, but still I questioned His loyalty. How many times do we question God's love for us? There have been times in our lives where God has made a way when there was no way, He was there for us when no one else was there, He was there for us in our most darkest times, He has answered our prayers over and over but yet the moment we fall on hard times we began to question God.

God where are you?

Why Am I going through this?

I thought you loved me?

Just because things are not going our way, we stop trusting in God. Why are we like that?

If its one thing that I learned from that friendship its that it is very rare that people see people for who they really are. Most people judge people and God based off of their painful experiences and based off of how other people have treated them in their past. I know through talking with Her that she had been hurt by people that she thought that she could trust. Those experiences made her guarded and fearful, which makes it hard for her to open up in relationships. It didn't matter what I showed her in the past, she was faced with a situation that made her feel like others made her feel in the past. Unfortunately, that suck for her because she missed out on a good friend, However, I do understand her pain. I've been there before. Whether it was in my marriage, other friendships, relationships or with God. I've viewed them all through the lens of my pain. Its a unfair situation and especially when we do it to God. If we could depend on anyone it would be Him. 

For the first time I felt what it feels like too God when we don't trust Him. It's painful. God doesn't deserve to be judge based off of our situations, painful experiences or how someone else has treated us. God is good to us all the time, He loves us more than anything and it's nothing that he wouldn't do to protect us. We can always count on God.  I don't know what God has in store for that friendship whether He will restore it or not, but I know that this has taught me a valuable lesson. From now on whenever I am  tempted to question God's loyalty I can check His track record.